I’m a big believer in having pets. I can’t ever remember a time in my life when I didn’t have a pet of some sort.
A Boston terrier named “Buttons” is one of my first memories. Then there was a dog named “Timber,” who fell off the bed a lot, thus the name. There was a red Irish setter named “Maggie,” who — before leash laws — ran the streets, stopping in to eat and sleep. There were dozens, and I mean dozens of cats, hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs, two ducks, a variety of finches, fish, a couple of turtles and an alligator.
Yeah, that’s right. A neighbor boy (we were both 11 years old) traveled from our small town to Denver on vacation and brought home an alligator as a gift for me. My parents were far from elated of course, but what were his parents thinking: “This is a great idea. Let’s put this little gator on the plane, fly it home, give it to little girl next door, and all grow old together, eventually living happily ever after with a 500-pound killing machine on the block.”
That one didn’t last very long. I don’t know where it went; I think my dad gave it to a nice family in the country where it would live on a farm and chase butterflies the rest of its life. And eat farm animals.
Pets keep you busy. I know people who don’t have any, and maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe they’re too busy with jobs or kids or a crystal meth addiction to deal with a pet. Or, maybe they’re just scaredy-cats and don’t think they can deal with a pet.
There are those who have lots of pets. Maybe too many. We’ve all seen them on the news. one of my favorite subjects for this column are those couples who have pets (usually dogs) and no kids because, “our dogs are our kids.” Yeah, right. do you go to work and leave the kids a bowl of food, a blanket on the back deck and freedom to poop in the yard or eat your shoes? if you do, I’d like to do a story on you.
No, kids are a completely different animal. They will turn your life upside-down forever. So you really have to like having your life turned upside-down. I kinda like it. I’ve always had pets to keep me from going nuts in the upside-down world; someone to talk to about my kids’ idea of music, if you will.
These days, the kids are grown and outta here, but our pets remain. The two old dogs and the snooty cat with matted fur keep us amused now. Or, at least they keep us up at night.
Our littlest dog is deaf and darn near blind these days. he can’t get up the stairs to bed these days. We take turns carrying him up, after we’ve taken turns getting his attention (by clapping or whistling or jumping up and down or all three combined) and leading him (or pushing him) out to the back yard to do his due diligence. This little dog, who can’t climb the stairs, I’m pretty sure jumps up on the couch while we’re gone.
Nice trick. So is getting my husband and me to clap, whistle, jump up and down or all three combined, whenever he feels like it.
Last night, the big dog got up twice to throw up. So did I. well, not to throw up, but to open the back door. It’s like having a newborn in the house. except instead of stumbling to make a bottle and put food in, I’m stumbling to make it to the back door in time to let food out.
Doesn’t it sound like fun? if you haven’t tried it yet, you should. It keeps your upside-down life right-side-up, it keeps you up at night, and it keeps you off the crystal meth.
Terri Chance is a 37-year resident of Broomfield, mother of three and an astute observer of the hilarity of everyday life. E-mail her at Wrytwon@yahoo.com.
